Grumpy

I have grumpies, and if you don't want to hear them, then don't read this post. It's my blog, and I can complain, or be grumpy, or whine, or post anything I want to. And I'm going to. Period.
This is my mood right now, and it matches the weather!
I think I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done, but also with the amount of sh...tuff we have - most of which I really don't know what to do with; it's just a reminder of my "old life" that I don't have now. What a lot... it's a bunch. What the heck am I supposed to do with it, and anything I want to keep, I have no place to put, so it's sitting there (all over the place) reminding me of "then",
which I may never have again; plus
it all needs to be dealt with and put someplace!  Aaaaaaaaah!

If I wanted clouds and rain, I could have stayed in Germany - that's what I had all winter long there, and now I get to have it still. I bet in Dreieich it is sunny and warm now, and my roses are probably all in bloom smelling wonderful!  ό.ὸ

My mood is feeling weepy and thunderous right now, which is what the weather was yesterday.           matchy-matchy: weather/mood

This morning I woke up to nasty rain, and it was windy like crazy! 

Didn't matter, I had a 9:15 workout scheduled and I wasn't going to be late... or so I though. I was told 9:15: the class started at 9:00 - great way to start your day; especially for a class I had never done before, so it's not like you can just "join in" and blend with the others, heck no, ya stand out like some uncoordinated schmuck.
Oh well, I finished that class and then stayed for the body-pump class too; that one I know very well (more-so than the instructor actually... Singapore's classes were better).

When the class finished, I was dressed and headed out to continue my day, it was fricken freezing out there- seriously, it was that cold!  For a moment I actually thought some of the little blowey raindrops were snow! What the heck? IT'S MID-JULY PEOPLE!! 
Oh. My. Word!
Talk about miserable weather!
Once again:   matchy-matchy: weather/mood

All summed up:
I don't want to be here - in this time, in this space, in this moment, in this place.
- I don't want to live so far away from my grandson; my beautiful Elias!
- I don't want the crack in the adjoining concrete wall so I can hear the neighbours talking, their dog whining, their kid yelling... I worry they can here me.
- I don't want to deal with the kid next door always climbing the fence to get his ball; thinking I don't know he's doing it - even after I nicely said to him that it would be better, and easier for him to ask me, and I would toss the ball back over. Does he really think I don't hear him, or see him, or know he's doing it? It's a chain-link fence! Does he really think I'm that dumb? Does he really think I am not getting super super pissed off?    When our yard isn't a weed infested dump, his climbing my fence will end.  Shit-kid.    ὸ.ό
- I don't want to always feel like I am living in a fishbowl: everyone can see my every move.
- I don't want the cost of two vehicles and all things associated with driving here. So many angry drivers, everyone's always in a hurry and not driving properly, in their enormous big-ass vehicles, of-which they have multiple!  »,«
- I don't want to have to start all over again with another doctor. Dr. Schultz was so amazing! I think she has to be the best/my favourite doctor ever - yes, she's that good. She was for me, that's for sure.
- I don't want to have to get a job; doing what?!  What am I going to do here? I don't want to be a teachers-aide, and they won't let me be a cover teacher.  I don't want to work evenings, or weekends...
- I don't want to not be able to travel as often, and as much as we have been over the past eight years. Just because airlines in this country are so ridiculous!  *grrrr
* I want Elias to live close so I can see him often, play with him always, smother him with too much love, and help him and his amazing mama handle everyday challenges!
* I want to live on an acreage; not the one we had, a better one, and with the marriage relationship/friendship I have now.
* I want to have all the travel experiences I have now, but I want to have shared more of them with my family.
* I want the expendable income/lifestyle we had in Singapore.
* I want the cost of travel in North America to be as cheap as it is in Asia and Europe, so we can continue to travel way too much!
* I want my family, and my friends, to realize I am not the same person I was 20 years ago, or 15 years ago, or 10 years ago, or even 6 years ago. Family, please don't treat me like I am that person I was then; friends, please don't expect me to be, and to fall back into that same pattern.

I probably know what you're thinking, and I really don't want to hear it; you can think what you want to think - keep it in your thoughts, and off your tongue please.  This is my blog, and this is how I feel.

I don't want what I don't wanna want when I don't wanna want it, and I'll wanna want what I wanna want, whenever I wanna want it.
And that's the way it is.
Period.
End of rant.